Role Reversal. It's a role reversal that many of us go through -- adult children taking care of their elderly parents. Many of us are also part of what is now called the Sandwich Generation (taking care of our parents and their homes, along with our own kids and homes).
If you decide to move a parent or other relative in with you, you won't be alone: One out of every four caregivers lives with the elderly or disabled relative he or she cares for. This arrangement can have many positives. If your parent or other loved one is still relatively healthy, he may be able to babysit or otherwise help around the house, contribute financially, and get to know your children in a way that would never be possible with only occasional visits.
My dad passed away in 2008 and I am happy to say I am fulfilling my promise to my dad that I would always take care of my mom. It's been a blessing to have her live with me. It's also true that the elder do better when there is a support network around them of family and friends, like in a blended household. Just seeing their grandchildren or their children each day, makes the elderly happy and keeps their wits sharp (apparently). I’d also know that since I am taking care of my mom, I’d be the one making sure she takes her medications, gets to a doctor, and is well taken care of to the best of my abilities.
Life is good and I am enjoying this new chapter in my life.
Here's some pictures of my mom and me. She has and always will be my best friend. I am so blessed to have her in my life. She's always been there for me and now it's my turn to be there for her.
When it came to the time to sell my mom's house, I told my mom I would get my real estate license and sell her house myself. My mom's house was my first transaction and I am proud to say I sold it in one day and have been loving my new career in Real Estate ever since.
If you are thinking about putting your parent's house for sale, call/text me at (630) 669-2401. I have been there and know how you are feeling. Let me and my Real Estate Dream Team help you.
I can help you SELL your parent's home QUICKLY and at the RIGHT PRICE. I will also make a virtual tour of their home and post it on my website (currently Ranked #1 for Century 21 Affiliated!) and much more!
Call or text me at (630) 669-2401 and let me and my Real Estate Dream Team help you.
Please feel free to visit and use my mobile friendly Real Estate Website www.MonicaMancano.com for your Real Estate Needs.
Looking forward to hearing from you soon. Monica Mancano, REALTOR®/MRP/AHWD, Century 21 Affiliated, 1999 W. Galena Blvd., Aurora, IL 60506.
Enjoy the video! These are great tips!
Click on this link: Tech to Help Monitor the Elderly
It has great tips, if your parent(s) are not ready to move in with you on all the technology that is available.
Here's more great tips. Enjoy the Aricle!
A Home Within A Home: Creating a Space for Aging Parents Living with Adult Children
According to AgingCare.com, 34 million Americans are personally providing care for older family members. As an aging society, more and more adult children are meeting the challenges of elder care by opening their homes to aging parents and in-laws. Whether it is a short-term solution or a long-term plan, here are a few important tips for making a home within a home, reducing conflicts, and setting expectations:
1. Sacred Space: Make sure your elderly loved one has their own defined space. Much of the house will be common area, but it is a crucial part of autonomy to have your own sacred space that you have control over and can go into at any time.
2. Personalize Space: Help your loved one feel at home by adding photos and objects that are special and important to them. Every space should tell the story of the individual living there. A few well-chosen objects such as a piece of art, a family quilt, or favorite books, can really redefine a room.
3. Family Dynamics: Setting up ground rules, boundaries, and a schedule such as quiet hours, family dinners, and expectations of how spaces will be used is really important for navigating the transition. Especially if you are part of the sandwich generation and still have children at home, posting expectations will help them adjust to the changes.
4. Meal Planning: Allow input and make sure expectations are set around food preparation including dietary restrictions. Setting expectations of who will be contributing financially will also help reduce stress and conflict later. Often tasks of daily living are difficult for aging adults to give up. Compromise and look for ways they can make decisions and contribute.
5. In-Home Care & Care Management Services: Create a plan for increased care needs and relief care for adult children providing care and management for loved ones. Often it is not apparent what the role will entail or feel like until you are in the middle of it. Make a plan if care becomes too much or if an emergency arises before you need it.
6. Common Spaces: Set expectations for common areas such as laundry room, kitchen, TV room, garage, outdoor spaces. Placing simple instructions around the house on new appliances such as the washer/dryer or TV remote/ etc. can help orient an aging loved one to the new space.
7. Safety: Making small changes to the home dramatically reduces the risk of falls and injury in the home. Consider the following modifications: Remove small area rugs, install grab bars and anti-slip mats in the bathroom, make sure walkways are free from clutter, furniture arrangements should accommodate mobility devices, and repair outdoor areas with loose handrails or walkways that are uneven and cracking.
8. Taxes: Consult your tax advisor to ensure that you’re taking advantage of appropriate tax deductions such as claiming a parent as a dependent or deducting other expenses related to care.
9. Relationships: Impacts on relationships and dynamics within the home are inevitable. Make sure that you have a regular family meeting to discuss concerns and questions with everyone living in the home. It is important that relationships with your own family members do not come at the expense of helping mom and dad.
10. Asses Care Needs Regularly: Make sure that you plan for changes and discuss wishes and options before they are needed. It is crucial that you create a plan for difficult decisions such as driving, end-of-life care, and setting up a Durable Power of Attorney. Consider keeping a simple journal to track changes in behavior, habits, mobility, and other observations that may change over time.
11. Storage: Discuss what will happen to items that will not be coming into the home. A combination of storage, purging, gifting, and donations can be important during any transition. Help a loved one choose a few items to have around them at any given time.
12. Finances: This can be the most crucial aspect to discuss and set expectations on when considering moving a parent into your home. Discuss expectations of who will contribute to care costs and how finances will be managed. It can be very difficult to surrender control of finances to an adult child, but it may be necessary if bills are going unpaid or late.
13. Dementia: If your loved one is experiencing symptoms of Alzheimer’s or other dementias it is crucial that you have appropriate training and education to equip yourself with knowledge and expectations of care. Close monitoring by a physician will be important for optimum safety for your loved one. Consider joining a support group and be open with your workplace about your changing responsibilities.
Weighing the Options
The right care choices for every person and every family are different. What may feel right for one family may not be the right option for another. What is important is that you weigh the pros and cons and honor your choice as difficult as it may be to make.
- If you’re a part of the sandwich generation and have younger children in the home, they will be able to witness firsthand the aging and care process.
- If you are the primary caregiver, it can be helpful to not waste time commuting to or managing two separate households.
- Especially if a loved one is ill or actively dying, the time spent in the home can foster invaluable memories and moments together.
- Financial and time strains on family and work can be great
- Family caregivers often have lower quality health and are at risk for burnout.
- Family relationships can be strained in this role reversal of a child caring for a parent.